Tag: balance

Coping, Triggers

Balancing Caution and Fear of Migraine

Kerrie Smyres

“I’m going to be angry if I don’t get a migraine tonight,” I told Hart Friday night. Those are words I never thought I’d say, but I’d been looking forward to that night’s local music festival for months and I didn’t want to have missed it because I’d guessed incorrectly about an impending migraine.

I stayed home because I was feeling “off” and a storm was rolling into town, which is a pretty reliable migraine trigger for me. Usually I’d go anyway, especially if I’d been doing OK most of the day, like I was Friday, but the tickets were expensive and I loathed the thought of fighting through the crowd to leave and then riding in the car for 30 minutes with a migraine.

I’d done the math and the dithering all afternoon and made what I thought was the right decision. When the migraine didn’t come Friday night, I felt like I’d cheated myself out of a great time because of fear. I wanted to embrace my choice with confidence, but the doubt remained: Maybe I was taking care of myself and being appropriately cautious, maybe I missed out by giving into fear.

I’ve been running my mind in circles, trying to figure out how I could have made a better decision Friday (and by “better decision” I mean one that would have gotten me to the music festival). Then Tuesday came along and I felt pretty good, so Hart and I went to a baseball game. At the game I realized that I had used all the available information to make the best decision I could on Friday. There’s no way to make perfect decisions with an unpredictable illness.

Sometimes I’ll got to the show and get a migraine, sometimes I’ll feel just fine. Sometimes I’ll stay home and feel OK, sometimes I’ll have a migraine. Sometimes I’ll go to the game and catch my first foul ball, like I did on Tuesday.

“Like” The Daily Headache on Facebook to see a picture of Hart and me with my foul ball.

Coping, Symptoms

Yes, Body, I’m Listening

Kerrie Smyres

“C’mon, you don’t feel that bad,” I told myself upon realizing I was slumped over the coffee table with my head resting on my arm. My next thought was “Oh, wait. Maybe I do.” What an exciting moment to realize I was listening to my body.

A couple years ago I conceded that if I find myself sitting on the kitchen floor, I probably feel too bad to be cooking or cleaning. Or if I’m resting on the couch and discover I’m in the fetal position, the migraine is probably pretty bad. Instead of shrugging off my body’s cues as melodramatic, I finally see that unconsciously engaging in pain-soothing behaviors is a good indication I’m in bad shape.

I have long done so much on a good day, trying to take advantage of it, that I push myself into days of sheer exhaustion and severe migraines. That hasn’t been happening so much in the last year. Perhaps this is a sign that I’m paying attention when my body tells me to stop.

How does your body tell you it’s time to rest?

Chronic Migraine, Coping, Meds & Supplements, Treatment, Triggers

Good News & Bad News in Last Couple Weeks

Kerrie Smyres

Bad news: The migraines have reached a level 8 or 9 nearly every day. Being on the computer has been a huge trigger.

Good news: Although the pain levels have been high every day, I was only laid flat one day. I’ve gotten out by myself several weekdays each week, seeing a therapist and a physical therapist, going to the grocery store and even doing some retail therapy (Buffalo Exchange opened nearby in October!).

Hart and I have gone out at least one day each of the last three weekends, visiting the aquarium, the natural history museum and the science museum. We’ve gotten coffee, crepes and hamburgers. Maxalt, a triptan, has been working for me lately, and I’ve taken it for nearly all these excursions. Even then, I usually wind up taking Midrin, naproxen and sometimes Zofran. (I’m careful to not overuse any of them.) The benefits to my spirits are worth taking meds.

Exercise is becoming a more regular part of my days. I try to walk a couple miles a day, whether on the treadmill or while out and about. Today I jogged on the treadmill for a minute! A yoga therapist has come over for a few private sessions. I’ve learned an excellent restorative pose and a modified sun salutation practice. Moving my body is blissful and my body feels better when I move it.

In my outings, I’ve spent some time in Davis Square, a neighborhood that feels homey. (It’s where Buffalo Exchange is.) Getting excited about a place here is reducing the homesickness a bit, though knowing that Seattle has been in bloom for a month is troublesome.

Tomorrow I head to Phoenix for a week. My sister and I are meeting to help our mom prepare the house to sell in the fall. I’m eager to bask in 70 degree weather while wearing summer clothes. Going through storage sheds and closets should be fun, too – an archaeological dig of sorts.

So the news is mostly good. I still have awful hours every day, but I feel more like I’m living life than I have in years.

Chronic Migraine, Coping, Triggers

The Trade Off: A Scheduled Migraine Day

Kerrie Smyres

I drove more than three hours to my sister’s house yesterday so I could surprise my nephew on his 10th birthday. I had to be home for plumbers this morning, so I could only stay for a few hours. Cramming nearly seven hours of driving, lots of caffeine and bad-for-me food into 13 hours ensured I’d be sick today. I went anyway.

After years of constantly overdoing it and constantly being sick, I learned I become terribly ill when I push myself too much. Now I know to hold back; sometimes I think too well. I’m stuck at home with migraines so often. There’s only so much time I can give up because one might come along.

Last year, a friend taught me that I don’t have to shirk anything that might make me sick — even if it is something that I’m absolutely positive will result in at least a day in bed. She showed me I can choose certain times to push myself without doing it every single day. The trick is knowing one day of indulgence can lead to one (or more) days of feeling awful.

When planning yesterday’s trip, I factored in today as a sick day. Other than letting the plumbers in, I made no appointments or plans. I stocked up on easy food and checked out a good audiobook. By intentionally making a trade off, I feel no guilt.

I know I should never feel guilty for being sick, but I rarely do what I should. Today I can see what a reprieve it is to just let myself be as I need to be.

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Chronic Migraine, Coping

Three Things Each Day, Even if That’s Only Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner

Kerrie Smyres

Continually setting my expectations too high and continually being let down is a common theme in my life. As much as I know there’s an overachiever inside of me, I also know that I physically can’t do everything I put on my to do list each day. I try not to feel bad about it, but a small sense of failure always lingers. Sound familiar?

My meditation teacher said to our class today something she told me a couple weeks ago: Set three priorities a day, even if they are breakfast, lunch and dinner. The idea is to have appropriate goals for what’s happening in your life. By having realistic expectations, you’ll see that you are successful and able to do what’s most important to you.

I’ve been trying her recommendation. For the most part, I can reach my goals each day and not focus on all I haven’t done. My list is limited and I don’t feel as overwhelmed. I’m also open to revising it throughout the day. A day may start out well, but by afternoon I know washing my face before bed will be the most I get done. I’m a little harder on myself in that case. . . .

Today’s list was ambitious considering how I’ve felt: Go to meditation class, buy groceries, pick Hart up at the airport. The first two were checked off by 1 p.m.; Hart’s flight isn’t in yet, but I definitely feel up for the drive. I even managed to go to the library and post office, both of which I’ve been trying to do for days.

Knowing I’d taken care of the first two items on my list and that going to the airport tonight was a priority, I let myself rest this afternoon. I still feel a little guilty for watching three episodes of 30 Rock and three episodes of Weeds in the middle of the day, but knowing it was part of my plan makes it easier.

Tomorrow’s list: Go to my massage, meet my sister and nieces in Tacoma, and be back home in time for Hart to take the car to his poker game. It is kind of ambitious, but I’m pretty sure I’ll make it. If not, I’ll remind myself that even getting myself fed was a challenge that I rose to.