My head hurts so much that I can barely walk. I’m on the verge of throwing up. Yet I’m still wondering: Maybe the migraine isn’t that bad and I’m just being lazy. It is the unrelenting refrain. Whenever I think I finally believe I’m not faking it, the doubt comes back.
seeking joy in a life with chronic migraine, chronic daily headache and chronic illness
Wow… it’s very comforting to read that I’m not the only migraine sufferer who has had these thoughts.
Kerrie,
I just found this website while doing some more internet research on migraines…always looking for something new to try, you know. And I can really relate to what you say, although my guilt comes less from thinking I’m not trying hard enough to handle it, or that the pain isn’t as bad as it seems, but rather from feeling bad about the time I lose with my family, and the things I can’t accomplish, due to migraine. I think perhaps a lot of women feel this way…that they are never doing enough, and that they are not supposed to feel bad. I wish I had an answer to all of it — the pain adnd the guilt — but I CAN tell you you’re not alone. 🙂
Kerrie,
I’m new to your blog and forum but i like it so much that I’ve linked it to mine. This particular post hit me hard. When in the middle of crisis with my other chronic disease, I often felt the same way. I’d go to sleep at night thinking, “I could have done so much more with myself, tomorrow I’ll do better.” In reality, I could not have done more. When I get one migraine after another, I feel like this too.
You are doing your best and you’re very brave to put your feelings and thoughts where the world can see them.
I agree with Reese. Also I really believe that brain of ours goes through some nasty changes most probably chemical changes that occur during a migraine, and make you feel depressed and those thoughts just start to roll around in there. Just hang on for those few moments of relief and for me at least, rational thinking! You are not lazy!
Thanks so much for this post, Kerrie. I’m glad to know that I am not the only person to struggle with these doubts.
Once in a while I have a day where the pain is light, and I immediately experience the opposite: the feeling of “Oh WOW! If I felt like this more often, I could accomplish ANYTHING!”.. which in turn allows me to validate what I feel on those days that I’m hurting, and unable to do even the simplest of chores.
Again, thank you for sharing.
Millions of people suffer from the same affliction you do. I seriously doubt it something
made up.
Have you ever heard of the NTI? For some, clenching and grinding of the jaw serves as a catalyst for migraine inducing strain on the muscles in the head and face. One way for patients to treat their TMJ pain is a small thermoplastic device that prevents the the posterior teeth from touching. The device is called the NTI-tss Plus. In clinical trials reviewed by the FDA, 82% of medically diagnosed migraine sufferers using the NTI-tss had a 77% average reduction of migraine pain attacks within the first eight weeks of use.
Actually, it’s the other way around for me lately. I have awakened at 5:30 AM with just a full blown pain, vomiting the second before my eyes even open, writhing in pain…..it’s those moments when I have that ‘brand’ of migraine that I know….’Hey, this crap is for real, I am in no way faking or exaggerating this crappola!”.
It’s hell, but it’s almost reassuring at times. I do have a glitch of some sort in my brain.
Hi Kerrie
If your head hurts that much (and boy do I remember those migraines when I had them!) you are not lazy, faking or “just having a headache”.
So many times we are programmed to bear with pain so we just try to talk ourselves out of a migraine. Whatever helps you.. do it and get some rest..hope you feel better.
I know how hard it is when you’re hurting, but please try to be good to yourself. You are not lazy. You are in unbearable pain and it is affecting your mood.
(((kerrie))))
You (and the rest of us) are NOT faking it. Who would want to miss out on life the way we do? I would love to be able to work and feel good about myself the way I used to. No way could one fake this kind of pain. I wish I could encourage you; I know how depressing this can get.
I wonder if there’s a way to stop that refrain. It’s wrong, and it seems so unfair to you, the one who is already in pain. Tell that choir of self-blaming voices to knock it off!
I am so sorry that you’re in so much pain. I just got over a horrendous 48 hour headache myself. You are being way too hard on yourself. I do it, too, so I know how easy it is. But sometimes, when I’m laying there thinking about all the things I need to do around the house or errands I need to be running, and I know I’m feeling guilty, I remember I need to cut myself some slack. And so do you. :o)
I had this same thought about myself yesterday. But I would never say it to you or anyone else, so I guess I should practice some kindness towards myself.
The words “migraine” and “not that bad” should NEVER be used together! LMBO
I pray no one actual said that to you! I would be all like, “Do you have a ball bat? Here, let me knock ya over the head with it and then tell me it’s not so bad!”
LMBO But that is just me.
I know, for me, after I have a string of migraines, the darkness creeps in so I have be very careful. It’s dangerous.
LORI
Whenever a patient I’m working with has these types of thoughts, I ask her, “What would you say to someone else with your symptoms? Would you tell them they’re lazy and faking it, or would you believe them and give them a break.”
We’re often much harder on ourselves than we would be towards someone else!